Anchors Live Bathroom Banter Gives New Meaning to Dumbass

President Bush was giving a speech as usual on CNN...blah blah blah then the voice of the lovely Kyra Phillips was heard. It seems that she accidentally left her mic on when she went to the ladies room and it revealed a minute of gab between the host and a coworker. She wasn't talking about makeup or food though, she chose to talk about here husband and her sister in law saying " husband is handsome and he is genuinely a loving, you know, no ego... you know what I'm saying, " her sister-in-law didn't get off so easily "He's married, three kids, but his wife is just a control freak," she said. CNN eventually cutoff the love fest. The truth hurts people!

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Manager Caught Filming Women Using Restroom

Cameron E. Lauck, 21 thought he would get in on the video action by putting a little camera in the ceiling of the ladies room in the Mexican Restaurant where he was manager. Though he didn't tape the action, he was still booked on five felony counts of unlawful videotaping. His scheme was cracked when a woman at the restaurant noticed the lens of a video camera they went to the manager to complain. Lauck pulled the camera down and claimed it had been lost and offered to pay for their meals. ::So that's where I left it! It's always the last place you look:: They didn't buy the story so they called the cops who found a monitor in the manager's office with a live feed of the ladies room. Lauck reportedly admitted to placing the camera there but said he "felt bad," and thought the camera up would be a "fun thing to do for one day." ::Mexican Video Voyeur Day is a surprisingly bad idea...::


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Passed Out Pa Found at Intersection with Toddler

Drunken dads are not getting a break this week! Massachusetts man, 24-year-old Luis Lala Lema Framingham, (See mugshot) passed out at an intersection while drunk. He was a REAL dumbass because he had his 3 year old daughter with him. She fell asleep as she tried to wake her passed out pa. Police were also unable to wake him up, but as Luis came out of his drunken stupor, he attempted to put the truck in gear and failed, then tried to go back to sleep. At that point, police yanked him out of the car and arrested him, while the little girl got taken to her pissed off momma. Mr. Drunken Sleepy Daddy is charged with child endangerment, driving drunk and driving without a license.

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Drunk Man Has 14 Year Old Drive Him Home

A New York man realized he was too drunk to drive home so he enlisted the help of a friend...his girlfriend's 14 year old daughter. Thomas Farnsworth, 37 picked up the girl from her Dad's house and stopped en route to her mom's house because he was too drunk to drive. Instead of calling a cab he had the kid help him out by having her drive home. While most 14 year olds would have loved to put pedal to the medal, this one freaked out, pulled over, and called her mom for help. Though the mom may not have had the best judgment in boy toys, she called the police who arrested Mr. Farnsworth on driving without a license and endangering the welfare of a child.

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Drunken Brothers Crash Into Each Other

Brothers David and Michael Murphy are two wild and crazy guys! These twenty-somethings decided that it wasn't enough fun for just one of them to drive drunk, no, they both got behind the wheels of their respective cars and just happened to find a little irony as Micheal to ran a stop sign and broad-sided his brothers car.::Hooray for drunken bumper cars!:: (See mugshot goodness of David) Both brilliant young men had passengers in their cars but no one was injured, but the cars weren't so lucky. ::Rest in peace little Volkswagons...:: I am so relieved to know that dumbasses do run in the family!

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Man Steals Monkey From Zoo

Nothing lets the world know you've got giant balls by stealing a monkey from a zoo. The loot? A rare squirrel monkey named SpongeBob (in his language it means proud warrior...::see picture::) was allegedly taken from a zoo in London by a man named Marlon Brown. The twenty two year old has been charged in connection with the theft. "Bob" was on the lamb for four days before a curious bystander saw him playing with a group of children in a park. He recognized Bob from the news and alerted the police. Bob wasn't the first monkey to be taken into the night. Around 50 small monkeys have been taken from zoos around Britain since March.::No word on how much progress they have made typing that Great American novel...::

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Sleeping Drunk Man Run Over By Wife

Richard Gonzalez had a grand old time partying and came home plastered. He was only a few feet away from the door when he passed out in the driveway. In most places this would have ended with neighborhood children playing poke the drunk the next morning. (Aren't childhood memories the best?!) But Rich's wife wasn't home when he passed out. When she returned home she tried to park her car in the drive way and heard a loud cracking sound. She got out she realized she had run over her drunk husband. She said she initially didn't see him in the driveway. He was taken to a hospital for abrasions and contusions.

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High School Football Players Toss Semen During Hazing

Think hazing hasn't changed much since you were in school? Think again. Plus: a lawyer sues Major League Baseball because he didn't get a free hat during a ladie's day promotion. Details and more stories of sports stupidity at BadJocks.com - Where COPS meets SportsCenter.

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Suspect Falls Asleep During Police Standoff

If you are going to get into a standoff with police, please make sure you are well rested to avoid lookin' like a dumbass. An overnight standoff in Paducah, Kentucky came to a peaceful end when the suspect was found fast asleep and drunk in the home. Jeffrey Willis was arrested and charged him with first-degree wanton endangerment. Witnesses said that Willis fired several shots outside his home and called police (I guess that isn't a normal occurrence in Kentucky after all...) Police arrived and heard several shots coming from inside the house. From there, a six hour standoff ensued. When police finally went in they found Willis and his girlfriend intoxicated and asleep. What a brave man...to spit in the face of the law....then take a nap.

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Dumbass Carjackers Locked in Car

Police on Saturday night had to spend their time rescuing two dumbass carjackers in Wisconsin. The two 19-year olds were spotted trying to break into a car by suspicious residents who promptly called the cops. When the police arrived, they found the criminals had already done their work for them by trapping themselves in the car after breaking an interior lock. The men were arrested on charges of prowling. One of the guys was also arrested on a charges of criminal damage to property because he broke a door handle. They just don't make car thieves like they used to...

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Pizza Guy's Plan Goes Horribly Wrong

A South Dakota pizza delivery guy had a wicked smart plan. Nineteen-year-old boy wonder Christopher Price delivers for Pizza Inn and allegedly hatched a fool proof plan with his buddies. He reported to the police that his pizzas were stolen by a group of men while he was delivering them to a house. The police then checked out the house and found the gang of men eating the stolen goods. They admitted they were the friends of the pizza dude and had worked out a plan for free food. Price was arrested for petty theft and filing a fake report. But dude, free pizza!!

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Drunk Man Goes For Cemetery Joy Ride

Not even cemeteries are safe havens from idiots who pound back a few brewskies and get behind the wheel. A man from Bryan, Texas got behind the wheel and made his way through a cemetery on Friday after crashing through a pipe fence and running over gravestones and then driving away.(We can't stress how important the great state of Texas has been in contributing to this website...)Police caught up with the man when they stopped a white pickup matching the description that just happened had body damage and paint on the hood that matched the graveyard fence. (I swear officer...it's my cousin's truck!) The driver admitted to being intoxicated and driving through the fence but became belligerent and refused to take a sobriety test.

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Dumbass Receives and Throws Away 69 Speeding Tickets

Francesca Cisneros has been having a great time speeding all around Phoenix, Arizona area. So much fun in fact, that every few days she would receive notes in the mail about exactly how fast she was going and promptly throw them out. Unfortunately for Francesca, those weren't congratulatory notes for not dying, they were speeding tickets...69 of them that she racked up from March until August. She's now learning the government doesn't like when you ignore them. She reportedly told detectives she thought it was perfectly fine to throw away the tickets even though 5 of the citation were for criminal speeding violations. She was caught speeding by new street cameras going up to 86 mph. Francesca is facing $11,000 in fines and possible jail time.

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Drunk Teen Ends Up Naked in a Bakery...

Julius Daukus, 17, of Columbia, South Carolina was having a grand ole time drinking last Wednesday morning, until he became hungry and wandered off from a party. The drunk teen stumbled into the Atlanta Bread Co., shortly after it opened. He found his way to the storage closet that he improvised as a bathroom. He then graced the world with his presence naked...just as a Bible study was sitting down for their morning discussion. Julius then walked out of the bakery, still naked and sat on the curb until the cops came. He was reportedly confused when they showed up, "He was calm, just sitting on the curb," said a department spokesman. "He didn't know where he was." Kudos to young Julius for raising the bar even higher for every drunkards out there. Cheers!

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Fake Cop Gets Busted By Real Cop

Craig Tavares had a great idea. He pulled together a Taser gun, flashing lights and a police badge he purchased online to become the ultimate fake cop. (Not like a Jean Claude Van Dam movie good, but good none the less.) But he took playing dress up to a whole new level when he started pulling over unsuspecting drivers. (See mugshot at right.) He is accused of of impersonating an Osceola County, Florida sheriff's deputy. This convicted felon showed up on the idiot radar when he started showing off his goods to co-workers at Gold Leaf Security. One co-worker even saw him pull someone over! He finally got nailed when he pulled over a REAL sheriff's deputy. No reason was given for why he was impersonating a cop...other than, you know, it's fun.

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Drunkerd Goes For Joyride With Goat

We here at DumbassDaily love our Brits! Carl Myles, 20 was drunk off his ass after he chugged 12 pints of beer. He could have just gotten into a bar fight or passed out in the street like most people. Instead, dear Carl spotted an 11 month old goat, Snowy, on his walk home and decided the goat needed to see the world! So he and the goat piled into a stolen Volvo and took off. They didn't get very far when they crashed into a tractor. Carl says he doesn't remember anything because he blacked out long before he took a fancy to the goat. Even though Snowy survived the ordeal, he sadly went to goat heaven only two days later. The owners believe Snowy died from the shock of the incident. Goats just weren't meant to go fast.

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Man Tries To Pass As Brother To Police...But Something's Missing...

Most people consider drug dealing to be an activity only participated in by dumbasses. Unfortunately for most drug dealers, they're right. This week, officers arrested Kenneth Shannon McPherson after allegedly finding methamphetamine, heroin residue, scales, packaging supplies and user materials during search that resulted in the arrest of two others. During questioning, Mr. McPherson thought he could pull a fast one on the PD by giving using his brother's identity as his own. What he failed to remember is that his brother was missing a finger. Police discovered this when they entered his brother's info and the man in custody had...10 fingers. ::It's a miracle! Oh..no..wait...he's just an idiot:: After being confronted about the regrowth of the once missing finger, McPherson caved in. No word on how long it will take for his brother to use all of his nine fingers to kick his ass...

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Lawyer Fails Breathalyzer in Open Court. Mistrials for All!

It's bad enough when you are facing life in prison on kidnapping charges, but when your lawyer fails a Breathalyzer test in open court...you know you're in trouble. Well-known Las Vegas attorney Joseph Caramagno was ordered to take the test after he showed up late for court, allegedly smelling of liquor. (Click the link for video goodness) The test indicated his blood alcohol was .075 percent, just barely under the state legal limit of .08. ::Ooo...so close, try again!:: He denied being drunk and insisted he was in a car accident on the way to court that day and suffered a concussion. (He must have gotten into an accident with a Bacardi truck...) Then, in a shocking move, the judge then declared a mistrial in the case. Margaritas for all!

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Man Arresting For Makin' Bathtub Moonshine

Leon Warren, a 64 eyar old creative man, decided to live life to it's fullest when he started ilelgally making his own whisky in Pushmataha County, Oklahoma. According to the State Alcoholic Beverage Laws Enforcement Commission, Warren with running a whiskey still near his home. This wasn't your old grandpappy being remanicent of the good ole prohibition days, it appeared to be a pissin' contest with good old Jack Daniels. Reports show that officials found 120 gallons of finished corn-mash product. Some of these homemade kegs dated back to 1998. They claim it is one of the biggest moonshine operations they can remember...and this is Oklahoma. There is one on every corner. That has to be worth something!

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Donut Truck Theft Leads to 35 MPH Chase

A criminal who would truly make Homer Simpson proud, a Richland, Washington man was arrested after stealing a bakery truck full of donuts. ::mmm donuts:: The spry 19 year old Steve Swoboda was arrested after the high speed chase that reached a staggering 35 mph. No donuts were harmed during the chase. The 'loot' included and entire load of glazed, sugar and cream doughnuts, as well as some apple fritters...you know...for good measure. The truck was stolen when the delivery driver left the truck running while making a stop. I'm sure he was just being a responsible donut delivery guy by making sure the donuts didn't miss a minute of JJ Buzz and the Wild Machine's morning show.

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Jail Bird's Lady Smuggles Cocaine in Bible

Some say you can find everything you need to guide your daily life in the Bible. For Amy Duckworth it wasn't the loving stories that she passed along to her jail bird husband...it was two Bibles lined with cocaine. This upstanding mother of three passed along the nose candy to her husband Anthony by placing then in the spines of two bibles. She was sentenced to six months in jail for the little smuggling effort. Ah...Ma and Pa in the big house together...reminds me of Christmas Eve 1987....

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Bogus $100 Bills Put Mint Worker in Handcuffs

The Feds are saying they have solved part of the mystery of the bogus "Delaware Hundreds." Unlike Monopoly money, real money has to have a serial number and be printed by the US government.
At least seven $100 bills were found in Delaware missing their vital stats. The Feds were tipped off when a coin dealer bought several of these and asked Uncle Sam to investigate whether they were super valuable bills misprinted or ::gasp:: stolen goods lifted from the mint. Details haven't been released, but a dumbass mint worker was arrested on Friday and additional idiots may be arrested soon. Nothing like trying to pull one over on the good ole US of A to put your stupidity into perspective.

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Teacher Suspended Over Naughty Homework

Teachers often have past times to distract them from their endless task of educating the brats of America. A teacher in Vermont tried to bring his hobby into the classroom and is now facing a suspension. Thomas Darling, an English teacher at the Hinesburg Community School, thought it would be fun to bring his manuscript into the classroom for his eighth-grade class to critique as an assignment. This wasn't the next Charlotte's Web of Lies or Elmo Goes to Vegas...no...this manuscript contained profanity and sexual content among students in a school according to the Vermont Department of Education. He is looking at a week suspension starting August 14th. Who says nothing fun ever comes from Vermont?

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Journalistic Dumbass: Journalist Tries to Fake Interview With Bill Gates

FOXNews.com - Microsoft: Norwegian Reporter Faked Bill Gates Interview

If you're going to fake in intervie with Bill Gates, at least get your English straight! A Norwegian reported actually got a four page article published that purported to be an interview the billionaire founder of Microsoft, done during a two hour flight in Europe. Yeah, like Gates still rides coach to "save a few buck."

In the four-page interview entitled 'Big Bill,' author Bjoern Benkow claimed he spoke to Gates during a two-hour commercial flight in Europe.
Gates was quoted as saying in the article that he never carries more than a 'dime' in his pocket and that he makes $1 bets with his wife.
He also purportedly talked openly about competition with search engine Google (GOOG) and Europe's antitrust actions against the software company.
The article, which was in Norwegian, quoted Gates as saying, 'Google have been smart.'

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