Elderly Car Dealer Attacks Customer With Machete

Car dealers have a reputation of being sleezy worms in plaid jackets trying to selling you the worst car on the lot (we know him as Uncle Fred...) But machete wielding old people ?!? Robert Parker, 73, of Texas was arrested and charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon after allegedly attacking a customer with a machete. The alleged victim, a 53 year old man, Gerald Davis, went to the police department with the machete he was reportedly attacked with. Davis said he stopped at Parkers dealership to pick up the plates to the vehicle he'd just purchased. An argument ensued and somehow Parker allegedly pulled out the machete and cut his customer on the arm. No word on what the argument was about but we have to wonder if someone was in jeopardy of missing the early bird special...

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Prositution Sting Leads to Bizarre Events

A large dose of irony comes every once and a while that we can't even believe it. A typical undercover prostitution sting went off into wacko land when a male police officer, posing as a john flagged down a Lisa Greene, an alleged prostitute. The lady hopped in the car and they went to a parking lot to negotiate the price. Things went normally as the woman asked if he was a cop. When he said no is when things got weird when she said "That's OK, because I am," the woman said as she pulled out handcuffs and a two-way radio. She yelled into her 'official' radio: "Move in!" He quickly forced her from the car, as another woman was arrested in waiting in a nearby car. Ah, will the scheming never end?

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Man Allegedly Views Child Porn on Amtrak

Brian W. Hohenstreet of Missouri, apparently thought it was a great idea to not only watch child pornography, but engage in this very illegal activity on his laptop during a trip on an Amtrak train. Hohenstreet was allegedly looking at the material that depicted underage persons in sexually explicit activities. He may have tried to be discreet, but illegal activies have a way of attracting attention. Passengers noticed the disturbing materials and notified officials. When he got off the train, he was greeted by the local police and charged with distribution and exhibiting material depicting minors engaged in sexually explicit conduct.


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Dumbass Teen Arrested For Peeing on Family

Teen boys seem to be an endless source of creative ideas, especially those without any chance of being caught. A 16-year-old thought it would be a great idea to climb on top of the mall parkings structure in California, and pee on a passing family exiting a nearby restaurant. (This begs the age old question, what wont teenage boys pee on?) Too bad for him a plain clothed sherriff's deputy spotted 'Sir Pees-A-Lot' and promptly arrested on suspicion of assault and urinating in public. Why do the police always take the fun out of illegal activities in public?


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Drunken Man Bites Panda, Panda Bites Back

Oooo...a drunken visit to the zoo sounds like a good idea but as Zhang Xinyan discovered that it wasn't a good idea. He reportedly downed six pitchers of beer and like most great ideas after six pitchers of beer...someones gonna get hurt. Zhang snuck into the holding pen of a sleeping panda bear and just wanted a hug. But Gu Gu the panda didn't want to hug. According to Zhang, "they seemed to get along well with people. No one ever said they would bite people," Zhang said. But bite he did! When Gu Gu woke up he bit the imposing tourist who, logically, decided to bite him back. (Zhang would also like to let everyone know that panda skin is very thick...)The zookeeper got the panda under control by spraying water on him and Zhang was taken to the hospital. Don't worry, the panda was uninjured...yeah and Zhang received some nice stitches to remember his drunken panda hug.

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Gas Station Rivals Takes Competition to the Next Level

The gas station business is more scandalous than us mortals are lead to believe. Media, Ohio saw the vandalization of two gas stations. Was it a pissed off motorist enacting revenge on rising prices? Naw, it was just a rival gas station owner, Steven Herold. His competitors completely crossed the line when they dared to have lower gas prices! Herold is accused of putting glue in credit card readers, spraying foul-smelling deer repellent on pumps and throwing beer bottles through windows. So...he decided to go the frat brat route...classy. All he missed doing was peeing on the front door and making off color jokes about their moms.

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X Rated Font Accidentally Used On Spelling Handout

A big heaping of apologies were issued by the Monroe-Woodbury School District in NY. A third grade spelling packet was handed out at an elementary school open house. Elmo and Dora weren't featured on the handout though. The creative teacher used some font of people. But the teacher failed to realize that these men and women stick figures were engaged in X rated acts. Ooops! Officials apologized after they discovered the font that showed the figures in riskee poses to form the letters of the alphabet. Scandalous and creative! We love our teachers.

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Another Crook Accidentally Turns Self In

If you must rob the elderly,(we don't recommend you do...they are so feisty with their canes) don't rely on their kindness to return your lost items. A crafty Italian thief lost his cellular phone while robbing a 77 year-old. Instead of sucking it up and getting a new one, he did what the rest of us do when we lose our cells...calling his own number. But instead of finding it in his back pocket, someone answered and agreed to meet the robber to hand over the phone. Unfortunately for him, the police were the ones who answered. When he went to meet police, he had already robbed another elderly woman and was riding a stolen scooter. That guy knows how to live it up.

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Bank Robber ID Made by Police Chief Dad

There's a lot of pressure on the kids of police. They are expected not to get arrested. Geez, that's nearly impossible to do! It's even worse if you are the son of a police chief. James Cavallo, the acting police chief of Moore Township, recognized his little boy James Cavallo Jr., when he reviewed surveillance photos from a bank robbery and turned him over to regional police. That's right, Jr. picked the wrong bank to rob. He allegedly left the bank with $6,000 after passing a note to a teller stating he had a gun. Police only recovered $3,800 after he blew the rest in Atlantic City casions.

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Internet Sex Performance For $$ Sends Woman to Jail

Kathleen Hall is one business savvy woman! The 39-year-old Floridian is accused of accused of trying to cash counterfeit checks which she says were payment for a web cam sex performance. This sexy woman (see ghastly photo at right) claimed that she met some Nigerian online and agreed to perform sex acts for money on camera. ::gouges eyes out at the thought of it:: When she tried to cash the two $850 counterfeit checks, she landed in the slammer. She's either one hell of a liar or someone got a free show...

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Mom Busted For Rewarding Son With Pot

The state of Pennsylvania is home to either the best or worst mom ever. Most parents reward their children by buying them a game or ice cream, but Amanda Lynn Livelsberger decided to be creative when it came to rewarding her 13 year old son. She lit up a doobie (or marijuana for you squares...) daily as a reward for completing his homework. She pleaded guilty to several charges Monday and confessed that this brand of family bonding had been going on since he was 11. Since it takes a village to raise a child, Ms. Livelsberger thought she should use her own brand of parenting with her son's friends. Feel the love...


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Debra Lafave Admits She Crossed The Line...

UPDATE: In one of the biggest understatements of the decade, Debra Lafave, better known as the prettiest and dumbest teacher we've ever seen, confessed a few things to Matt Lauer in her Wednesday interview. She said she was a very troubled woman at the time and "crossed the line that never should've been crossed." Hmm...yeah...that's a mild way to put it. The 25-year-old former middle school teacher acknowledged that her 14 year old victim may also have a hard time trusting women some day. She's currently serving 3 years house arrest as well as seven years probation for crossing the line. She also says that a bipolar disorder contributed to her wacko actions. Yeah, we'll trust her on that one.


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Naked Intruder Fights With Police

John Welsh got a lot of stuff done this weekend. The Idaho man was arrested after police say he broke into a condo, undressed, and then picked a fight after he undressed and jumped naked into a swimming pool. (See mugshot at right) The victim in all of this is Sherry Turner who forgot to lock her condo door where Walsh locked himself in. He took off his clothes in her living room and went right into the swimming pool. He attempted to run when police arrived, but was eventually restrained with a stun gun. ::Good ole reliable stun gun. :: After a brief hospital stint, he continued his wild journey to jail where he was booked on suspicion of indecent exposure and other alleged crimes. (Awe man...we were going to invite him to our Christmas Party)

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Rare Infection Strikes Daredevils Eating Live Crabs

There are idiots all over the place willing to do things on a dare. There are at least eight of those in Santa Ana, California. There are diners that apparently thought it would be fun to reach into a jar of live crabs and devour them raw as their friends cheered them on. This exciting tradition took a wrong turn when all eight of these dare devils came down with a rare and nasty lung infection caused by a parasite. It was carried by the crab that makes its way from the intestines to the lungs and causes lung fluke infection. Geez...for once your friends may not know everything...

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Wife Shoots Husband After He Shoots Pet Chicken

Come on...who doesn't love their pet chicken? Mary Kay Gray does...well..did until her husband Stanley shot the chicken with a 44-caliber handgun. This didn't make things very pleasent in the Gray household and, according to Sheriff's deputites, she allegedly shot her husband with a 22-caliber rifle in an apparent act of retaliation. The Lane County sheriff in Oregan said the couple had been working around the yard and drinking on labor day. Even though the chicken didn't surivive, Stanley did and Mary Kay has been jailed on felony assault charges.

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School Bus Driver Caught Driving Drunk

Everyone hated their school bus driver but most of us had no proof that they were really dumbasses. An Indiana school bus driver, Sylvia Cook, has been suspended after she was arrested on the charge of drunk driving. This little lady was a a bit tipsy when she was busing around 13 cheerleaders and their coach. The team was returning Friday night from a football game when the coach became concerned as the bus driver appeared confused and was driving erratically(you know, more than most bus drivers). When the coach alerted police, they found her to have a BAC of .19, more than twice the state's legal limit. Someone had a lil fun at the football game..

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Mid-Day Limo Sex Draws a Crowd ...and Police

A woman in Michigan City, Indiana clearly had business to attend to on Saturday that just couldn't wait. A couple was caught having sex in a trailer park during the day in a classy classy limo. Apparently, the green Cadillac limo did not have tinted windows and they left nothing to the imagination. When a large crowd, including children began to gather the pair STILL didn't stop...even when neighbors yelled at them to cut it out. The woman was identified as a neighbor by residents. She told those observing that "she was doing adult business. I've got to do what I've got to do,"” according to police. The limo guy left and the woman later denied the event to police. Lucky for her, the limo was parked right in front of a surveillance camera which caught the whole thing. Hooray for Class A misdemeanors!

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