New Clip: Jessica Simpson's "Mrs. Claus" Costume's Just a Little Snug in the Crotch

What is with our young female pop stars these days? Doesn't anyone look them over before they leave the house before they expose themselves in public? Our friends over at Defamer.com have unearthed a new home video of Jessica Simpson about to sing "God Bless America" at an event this week and the videographer makes full use of the zoom feature on his camera. Yes, she has pants on, but if they were any tighter . . . well, they can't be any tighter as you will see from this clip. It's bad enough that Britney's not wearing any knickers.

Where's Mr. Blackwell when you need him?




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Video Clip: Actor Danny DeVito Drunk on "The View": His Bush Rant Has to be Censored

According to the website VidClick, actor Danny DeVito made an appearance Wednesday on the ABC gab-gest "The View" to promote his new movie "Deck the Halls." Almost immediately it was obvious he had been drinking and comediane Joy Behar said he had been throwing back the booze the entire night before with none other than George Clooney. At one point he says, "'I knew it was the last seven limoncellos that was going to get me." How often have that happened to you?
If you watch the clip, DeVito does okay until he launches into a tirade about President Bush and he had to be bleeped several times. Watch the clip for yourself below . . . at least before ABC and a very unhappy Barbara Walters have YouTube pull it. Rosie O'Donnell tries--and fails--to help at the end of the interview by pretending to hold Danny back.

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Demon Child Alert! 5th Graders Accused of Putting Anti-Freeze in Teacher's Drink

We're sure somewhere in South Carolina a parent right now is saying, "My child would never do something like that" and they'll be 100% wrong. This story comes to us from WSB-TV

Officials at a Goose Creek elementary school say police plan to question fifth grade students about a teacher who became ill after drinking deadly chemicals earlier this month. The teacher at Boulder Bluff Elementary was hospitalized in critical condition November 16 after drinking methanol and ethylene glycol, a clear, colorless liquid used in antifreeze. She is recovering at home. Police are investigating the incident as a possible poisoning. A police report said the woman had no history of suicide or depression and was not on any medicine.

There's likely going to be more than detention handed out for this little prank.

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Mother of the Year? Woman Abandons Boy in Parking Lot Along With Her Weed

It's been a while since we've had a Double Dumbass, but we think this gal qualifies. Charity Jacobson, 32, of La Porte, Texas is in trouble with the law after she left her 5-year-old in a parking lot, telling the child she couldn’t take care of him anymore. As bad as that was, Ms. Jacobson managed to top her self by leaving a box along with the boy. And in the box police found a few wacky weed cigarettes. Why she left them with the boy is anyone's guess, but it's certainly enough to earn her a Double Dumbass Award. (Daily Advertiser)

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Britney Spears Hanging Out--Literally--With Paris Hilton: Doesn't Anyone Wear Panties Anymore?

Update: the website WWTDD.com has even more pics of Britney Spears "coming out party" with Paris Hilton this week when she decided to go commando and skip the underwear. Here's my favorite quote on the story from WWTDD:

Holy Christ. To see any more of Britney Spears, a babies head would have to be crowing

That pretty much sums it up. Link is mildly Not Safe For Work, but links to pictures that are definately not.

By now, most of you have heard the soon-to-be divorced mother-of-two Britney Spears has been hitting the party scene with none other than Paris Hilton.
She also seems to be getting fashion advice from the ditzy hotel heiress. According to the website TheBosh.com, Spears was spotted twice in the past week lacking certain undergarments. At one event, Spears appears to be in desperate need of a bra (hey, she just had her second kid and "the gals" are hanging pretty loose) and in the second she appears to have worn a mini skirt and no underwear, a regular trick of Hilton's . . . allegedly.
Click here for some mildly Not Safe for Work pictures.

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Dumbass of the Year? Man Drives Over Fake Deer With Girlfriend & Child in Car

It's deer hunting season in most parts of the country and the weapon of choice is usually a rifle or bow and arrow. Rarely does someone intentionally go after a deer with their vehicles as most deer are willing to run into you.

But at a sting in Vermont, one man went way beyond what officials had anticipated. Of course, it's illegal to shoot deer from a public road and from your vehicle, so by placing a deer decoy in a field off a heavily traveled road, state game officials sought to bag a poacher. Instead, they bagged a dumbass. Joseph Clark, 31, saw the deer in the moonlight and turned his Chevy Cavalier toward the animal and ran it over! Not only that, but Clark's girlfriend and 4-month-old daughter were in the car when the incident took place.

Unless he can prove the deer was threatening his family, Clark now faces a variety of charges including taking a deer illegally, felony unlawful mischief, possession of marijuana and driving with a suspended license. (Burlington Free Press)

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Video Clip of the Week: Stupidity . . . Eastern European Style!

If you loved "Borat", you'll enjoy these video clips from what appear to be vaguely Eastern European countries, set to a middle-eastern tune. Sit back (but not too far!) and enjoy.

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Sports Bar Patron Stabbed Over . . . Lack of Bathroom Hygiene?

This has probably happened to a lot of people: you're using the facilities at a restuarant or bar and the person next to you exits without washing their hands. For most of us, it's not a big deal, but for one bar patron at the Tumbleweeds Sports Bar in Texas it turned into a bloody brawl.

According to police, Eric Jennings Kisiah, 27, became upset after another customer failed to wash his hands before leaving the can. Kisiah then approached the man AND two of his friends (is this guy an idiot, or what?) and told them that they were dirty and threatened to "slash their throats." Just words, you say? Not this time. Cops say Kisiah then hid in the bushes outside the bar and attacked the men as they left, stabbing one of them four times! Eventually, Kisiah was arrested on suspicion of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. (Seattle PI)

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School Bus Driver Sentenced for Sex With High School Boys

Heather Boettner, 26, used to drive a school bus for the Nordonia Hills school . . . until she was convicted of sexual battery, unlawful sexual conduct with a minor and corrupting another with drugs. According to court documents, Boettner enticed the boys by posting a naked picture of herself on MySpace and then plied them with drugs and alcohol. According to one report, she invited the boys home after she met them on her route.

She was sentenced this week to five years in prison for the relationships which she called "a mistake." Judge Jane Bond, however, was a bit stronger with her wording saying Boettber "didn't make a mistake'' but instead committed a deliberate crime, adding "We don't tolerate nor condone the victimization of children." At left, Boettner's mug shot. (Akron Beacon Journal)

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"Kramer" Meltdown at Laugh Factory: Michael Richards Racist Rant

Fans of the show Seinfeld will be shocked. Michael Richards, who played the lovable Kramer on the show, was doing a stand-up routine at a Los Angeles comedy club called the Laugh Factory over the weekend and was heckled by several African-Americans in the audience using the N-word . . . among other things. For some reason, he launches into a racist rant that caused some members of the audience to walk out.
Richards has since apologized and appeared with David Letterman to make his case, but the damage may have already been done.
WARNING! Contains some Not Safe for Work language.

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Old Man Caught Urinating on Woman's Grave - "He Was Really Pissed!"

Itomor Khaimov was walking his dog in a Brooklyn cemetery near his home when he noticed something unusual: and old guy urinating near a tree. Khaimov asked cemetery worker James Scott, 80, what he was doing and Scott replied that, "I'm an old man, I can't hold it." When Khaimov pointed out that Scott was literally pissing on his grandmother's grave, the senior citizen became enraged and tried to attack the younger man with a rake. Claimed Khaimov, "He took a big swing like he was holding bat - he was really pissed off."
Despite being struck several times with the rake, Khaimov managed to call the police who charged Scott with 2nd-degree assault, menacing, and criminal possession of a weapon . . . most likely referring to the rake, not his unit.
To add insult to injury, Khaimov claimed that another cemetery worker not only saw the incident, but that cemetery officials tried to bribe him to stay quiet with a key to the premises! He respectfully declined. Grandma would be proud. (1010 WINS)

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First Day of PlayStation 3 Sales Sparks Violence, Crimes, Injuries

When does enthusiasm turn into mayhem? Today. Mark it on your calendars.

Video gamers have been waiting months to buy the new Sony PlayStation 3, which is supposed to be the most advanced system on the market. Some camped out for days at stores to get among the first to get their hands on one. But as the hysteria built, so did the problems. In just the first day there are a number of stories of people fighting over the units, robberies, and even one serious injury. Here's our list, including one video link:

Mad dash in Wal Mart parking lot ends with man hitting flagpole face first, breaking jaw (with video goodness)

55-year-old man arrested for unlawful assembly when Orlando mall crowd of 100s overwhelms security staff when they rush doors.

Kentucky authorities relieved as arrest of man on Best Buy loading dock turns out to be escaped rapist, not crazed Playstation 3 buyer

Cops try to disburse crowd that had camped overnight at Best Buy, arrest drunk teen and charge him with disorderly conduct, underage consumption of alcohol and resisting arrest.

Fairfax police were called to a local store Friday after a disturbance allegedly broke out over a limited number of PlayStation 3 consoles.

In Putnam, Conn., two gunmen tried to rob people lined up for the console, and shot one who refused to surrender his money.

Two armed men wearing black ski masks and sunglasses robbed the EB Games store of five Sony PlayStation 3 video game systems

PlayStation 3s selling for $2000 on eBay. (Remember when someone was selling an empty X-Box box on eBay and got several hundred dollars for it?)

Police said a Whitehall Twp. teenager became a robbery victim when his newly purchased PlayStation 3 was taken via gunpoint.

Top 10 complaints from PlayStation 3 shoppers, including #9. Didn't grasp the irony of having to sell the television to afford the PS3.

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Teen Almost Gets Away With Slaughtering Stolen Cow, Until Someone Sees Him Throwing Leg in Dumpster

I'm not up on the whole "how to get away with shooting someone else's cow, butchering it on the roadside and then making off with the meat" thing, but my guess is you'd have a better chance of getting away with it if someone didn't see you throwing a giant animal leg in the dumpster . . . right outside your department. Yeah, that's not gonna smell or attract any flies.
Derek Becker, 18, and his 16-year-old girlfriend were arrested on charges of first-degree theft, trespass, animal abuse and second-degree criminal mischief.
Someone driving by the farm saw the bloody carcass and called police who found two steak knives at the scene. Apparently Becker shot the animal with his 22 caliber rifle and then with the help of the girl, carved it up right there. It sounds like he might have got away with it, if it wasn't for those darn meddling kids . . . or his own stupidity. Even if you got away with that, wouldn't you need a HUGE freezer to store a whole cow? I'm just sayin'. (Statesman Journal)

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Naked Man Threatens Cops With Snake . . . No, Not That Snake!

They apparently do things differently down under. Many drunk drivers in the States will threaten the arresting officers . . . even accusing them of being Jews. But not in Australia, where actor Mel Gibson--ironically--just happens to be from. There, a drunk driver took a unique approach to avoiding arrest: he whipped out his pet snake. And by "pet snake" we mean an actual reptile, which he held by its head and pointed at the officers . . . like a moving venom gun. Although he did manage to take off into the bush, cops eventually caught up with him, disarmed him and put him in custody and charged him with drunk driving. Even more interesting, this all happened in the town of Darwin. (Reuters)

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Video Clip: Servicemen Duct Tape Female GI to Pole During "Hazing"

It's the video clip that's causing some raised eyebrows at the Pentagon, according to the Drudge Report:

A provocative video hits the internet this week showing male soldiers in Iraq aggressively duct-taping a female soldier to a pole!
Titled, "When your the only girl in the maintenance section," the 4 minute long video shows a laughing female getting wrapped up with heavy tape.
"This is what happens in Iraq when there are no Hummers to fix and your the only chick in the section...AND the only Yankee in a Louisiana unit!" claims poster 'wickedharleyluva' on YOUTUBE.COM.
"OK, I can't breathe," says the laughing female as the video comes to its conclusion. "Don't leave me here."
It appears obvious the soldiers are not harming the woman. But it's quite curious why the clip is being posted on the web.
A top Pentagon source expressed concern over the video late Sunday.
"Excuse me, I am not laughing," said the official, who asked not to be identified.

Yeah, we've seen worse stuff, but people who are already against the war in Iraq are not going to like the way this video plays.

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K-Fed Divorce Backlash: Is There a Britney Spears Sex Video?

Britney apparently threw the first punch by text messaging soon-to-be ex-husband Kevin Federline to tell him of her plans to divorce. Now comes word that the rapper known as K-Fed may be hitting back even harder. At least one website is reporting that, unless he gets more of Spears' fortune, Federline will sell a sex video of the couple made on their honeymoon. According to the British tabloid, News of the World, the raunchy, home-made video reportedly shows the naked couple enjoying a range of-- how shall we say this?-- "uninhibited love-making and sexual games." according to friends of Federline's (who has reportedly bragged in the past about the tape) the video was made during the first weeks of the couple's relationship two years ago at the Beverly Hills Hotel in Los Angeles.
Not surprisingly, the Spears camp is terrified that video will get out and damage her -- cough, cough -- wholesome image. At least one website is reporting that they have a clip of the video (Not Even Remotely Safe for Work) but there hasn't been a confirmation from either party.

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Video of Los Angeles Cops Beating Suspect

A video of two LA cops punching a guy in the face while they have him pinned to the ground appeared on YouTube a couple of days ago. After getting a lot of media attention, the FBI is now investigating. Watch it for yourself and decide: police brutality or suspect resisting arrest.

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Video of K-Fed (Kevin Federline) Getting Text Message of Divorce From Britney Spears on Canadian TV Show

K-Fed probably would have been on our short list for "Celebrity Dumbass of the Year" even BEFORE Britney Spears filed for divorce from him. But just wait until you see this video! It's from a Canadian TV show Much Music and you can see when he gets the text message from his pop tart wife that things are over.

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Dumbass Headline of the Year? Naked Man Arrested for Concealed Weapon

He was just minding his own business, masturbating beside a nature path near a Bay Area Rapid Transit station . . . then things got weird.

John Sheehan, 33, of Pittsburg, was initially arrested on suspicion of indecent exposure. But when asked whether he was carrying anything police should know about, Sheehan mentioned the tool, said El Cerrito Detective Cpl. Don Horgan. "You can't get much more concealed than that," Horgan said.
Officers drew their weapons and firefighters were called to the scene. Sheehan removed a 6-inch metal awl wrapped in black electrical tape without incident. (Ouch!)
Sheehan, who was paroled from state prison last week, was then booked into jail on suspicion of parole violations, indecent exposure and one felony count of possessing a concealed weapon.

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Couple's Naked Feud Ends in Waffle House: Hold the Sausage, Please!

What's with all the stupid naked people these days?

A couple that began squabbling in a motel room Friday morning carried their
dispute over to an adjacent Waffle House restaurant in the nude, police said.The
woman, who was not identified, told officers she was staying in a room with
Larry Boyd when he took a hit of cocaine, started trashing their room and choked
her. She ran in the buff to the nearby restaurant and locked herself in the
bathroom.
Boyd, also naked, followed her into the restaurant and then fled in a
car. He was arrested - still naked - after a short chase by police and was
charged with driving under the influence and felony evading arrest, among other
charges. It was not immediately clear whether he had an attorney.

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Escape Artist Daring Jump Leads to Police Search

When escape artist Michael Anthony Patrick decided to jump off a Key West pier in a straight jacket he was just trying to test his strength and magical abilities (and probably showing off a bit for the ladies...oooo yeah). Michael failed to inform the police about this stunt. And, unlike the performances of David Copperfield, people actually believed he had disappeared. When people didn't see him come up, police and fire department dive teams were called to rescue him. They couldn't find him. Imagine their surprise when they found him alive the following day. The search for his magical ass cost around $25,000 and he is currently charged with negligence.

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New Nominee For Dumbass Parent of the Year

Dad tries to teach his 7 year old how to drive his drunk ass home.


The day you teach your son to drive is supposed to be a watershed moment but it's not as wonderful if your son is 7 years old...and you want him to drive because you are plastered. (Sign #144 that you may have a drinking problem...) Alfredo Martinez knew well enough not to drive drunk, so using the old noggin', he thought to try to teach his boy to drive his SUV. Too bad for him that SUV aren't designed for pint size drivers. An officer pulled over the swerving vehicle and discovered Alfredo's creative designated driver solution. He's being held on a count of felony child endangerment.

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