HS English Teacher Suspended Over Masturbation Story, Being a Dumbass

Well, at least the story wasn't about HIM having sex with a student.

An English teacher from the Bronx is accused of overstepping his boundaries by sharing with his students a steamy composition about teenage masturbation.

Greg Van Voorhis, known as "Mr. V" by students at the Bronx School of Law and Finance, is accused of giving his 11th graders a graphic short story titled "Guts" written by "Fight Club" author Chuck Palahniuk. The explicit reading centers around a teenager's masturbation habits involving things like carrots, among other items.

School officials say Van Voorhis went too far and as a result the Department of Education re-assigned Van Voorhis to an administrative office, pending the outcome of an investigation.

NYC Teacher Suspended Over Masturbation Story - WPIX

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Teacher Lindsey Seymour Arrested for Alleged Sex With Teen, 16

A summer fling with a student has turned into statutory rape charges for teacher Lindsey Seymour of the Alvin C. York Institute in Jamestown. Is it just more, or in the mug shot does she have one of those, "Yeah, you got me" looks?

The TBI arrested a teacher on statutory rape charges after she was indicted by the Fentress County Grand Jury. 27 year old Lindsey Seymour, of Allardt, was indicted on 8 counts of statutory rape by an authority figure. Police say the incidents between Seymour and the 16-year-old male victim all took place between June 2009 and September 2009.

WZTV FOX 17/Nashville

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Teacher Fired on First Day After Giving Out Three Different Social Security Numbers

Maybe he was just a little nervous? Or maybe he's just not good with numbers, but a teacher in Baton Rouge, LA didn't make it to lunch time before he was arrested on the job.

Damian Brown, 26, was taken into custody by East Baton Rouge Parish sheriff's deputies and charged with identity theft after officials at Scotlandville Elementary say he put three different social security numbers on his applications.

One of the social security numbers was his, another belongs to a teacher in north Louisiana and the third remains a mystery

Teacher arrested on his first day on the job - WAFB Channel 9, Baton Rouge, LA |

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Burglars Use Markers to Create Face Masks That Don't Fool Cops

Can't afford a ski mask, but want to be a professional thief? No problem! Just grab a Sharpie and start coloring in your face. The one guys looks like he was going for a Batman kinda look, doesn't he?

In Carroll, Iowa, two men -- Matthew Allan McNelly and Joey Lee Miller -- are accused of burglarizing an apartment. Instead of wearing masks, police say, the men apparently drew on their faces with permanent marker. Police say they had no trouble identifying the suspects when they stopped the men's car.

Crime Scene KC

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Debra LaFave Back in the News: Former Teacher Convicted of Sex With Teen, 14

We were just talking with Debra LaFave with out friends Todd 'n' Tyler on Tuesday morning. LaFave, along with Pamela Rogers, set the bar pretty high a few years ago for good looking female teachers having sex with underage young men. As the guys pointed out, the most recent crop haven't quite measured up. And now here is Debra once again, asking to be allowed contact with young people. Let's see what the judge says.

A judge is set to decide Thursday whether former teacher and convicted sex offender Debra LaFave can have limited contact with children of her family and friends.  LaFave has recently completed the sex offender therapy program she has been participating in since December 2005, according to court documents. She is asking for supervised contact with a limited number of children of family and friends; the parents of each child would have to agree.

LaFave's attorney, John Fitzgibbons, had no comment on the motion he filed Monday. A hearing is scheduled before Hillsborough Circuit Judge Wayne S. Timmerman.

LaFave, a former English teacher at Greco Middle School, was arrested in June 2004 after a woman told police that LaFave was having sex with her 14-year-old son.

LaFave wants contact with kids of family, friends

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Dumbass Burglar Drops Cell Phone at Scene, Meets Up With Cops Later to Collect It

You certainly don't have to be smart to be a criminal these days. Well, at least if you want to stay out of jail. Take this guy for example:

An Orange Cove burglar is behind bars, but it's what put him there that has Sheriff's Deputies shaking their heads.  According to Fresno County Sheriff's Deputies, 22-year-old Jesse Neri Jr. of Visalia broke into a home on the 900 block of Fourth St. in Orange Cove on Saturday.

Neri got inside the home by breaking the back window, however once inside he set off the motion detectors, which activated the home's alarm. Neri quickly fled the scene, and in the process dropped his cell phone near the broken window.

During the course of the investigation, deputies discovered the phone and were able to identify that it belonged to Neri. Officers then called Neri (not identifying themselves as deputies) and offered to meet up with him to return the phone.  Neri fell for the ruse and agreed to meet deputies near the intersection of Huntsman & Hills Valley to reclaim his phone.

Visalia Burglar Arrested After Leaving Cell Phone At The Scene - KMPH Fox 26 Central San Joaquin Valley News Source in Fresno, California Entertainment, News, Sports and Weather |

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Female Teacher Arrested for Sex With Four Male Students - Jennifer Diane Bland

As if things we're bad enough already, Jennifer "Anything But" Bland has been arrested--since this initial report--on additional charges as even more underage boys from Durand High School in Durand, Illinois bringing the total number of counts against her to 19!

A Durand Spanish teacher spends the day out of the classroom and instead in jail. Police accuse her of having inappropriate contact with four students.  Jennifer Bland, 23, faces 6 counts of aggravated criminal sexual abuse. A Winnebago County judge read the charges to her via video conference in court Thursday afternoon.

Prosecutors say Bland had sexual contact with four male students between the ages of 14 and 17. The first incident allegedly happened last spring; the others in September and October.

Durand teacher accused of sexual misconduct with students - WREX.com – Rockford’s News Leader

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Female Teacher Goes All "Fatal Attraction" on Boy, 17, She Had Sex With - Naomi Perez

Usually, it's the teenaged boys who want to keep having sex with the middle-aged female teachers once the affairs start. But this time, we have a female teacher who--according to the cops--was still chasing this boy more than two years after the two of them allegedly had sex in her home. This situation all came to a head this last week we the boy's car was allegedly vandalized by the teacher, Naoimi Perez.

Naomi Perez, 33, of Brea, is charged with one felony count each of unlawful sexual intercourse, oral copulation of a minor, sexual penetration by foreign object of a minor, and one misdemeanor count of vandalism, said a statement by the Orange Country District Attorney’s office.   Perez is accused of meeting 17-year-old student John Doe while working as a teacher at Saddleback High School in Santa Ana.

Between June 1, 2007, and Aug. 27, 2007, Perez is accused of having an unlawful relationship with the victim on multiple occasions in her Brea home.  Two years after the end of the relationship, Perez is accused of vandalizing the victim’s car while it was parked outside of a family member’s home by scratching and denting the vehicle.

Female California teacher accused of sex with student | VANCOUVERITE

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Female Florida Teacher Gets Ten Years for Sex With Boys

What is it lately with the judges in these cases? We've had two female teachers in as many days sentenced to actual jail time for sex with underage boys? Don't they know they are only supposed to get probation or at least a stern lecture?

We think if this trend continues that horny female teachers will finally get the message and keep their hands off all those underage boys.

Nah.

A Central Florida teacher has been sentenced to 10 years in prison for having sex with four teenage boys.  A Polk County jury in August had found 33-year-old Danielle Jones guilty of five counts of lewd battery and three counts of unlawful sexual activity with a minor.  She was sentenced Tuesday.  Prosecutors said the boys were 14 to 16 years old when they had sex with the middle school science teacher. Two of them were her former students.

Teacher sentenced to 10 years in prison for sex with boys -- OrlandoSentinel.com

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Teacher Accused of Drinking on the Job - Lynn Clawges

The report does not say what kind of teacher Lynn Clawges was, but undoubtedly, she wasn't teaching kids how to hold their liquor!

Lynn Clawges is still an employee of Monongalia County Schools, according to Superintendent Frank Devono, but is not working at the school now.   A report filed by Morgantown Police officers says they responded to the school at 3:22 p.m. Monday. Principal Robert DeSantis told the officers that a teacher at the school was drunk when they arrived, the report says, and directed them to Clawges.

Officers smelled alcohol on Clawges' breath, and performed field sobriety tests on her, which she failed, according to the report. Officers found two empty Diet Pepsi bottles in Clawges' classroom that smelled of alcohol, and also discovered a full unopened bottle of the soft drink alongside a small bottle with a conditioner label on it that also had a strong alcohol odor, police reported.

SOURCE: Morgantown High Teacher Accused of Drinking on the Job - WBOY-TV - WBOY.com

Submitted by our good buddy Jay Knapp of Moundsville (above the Mason-Dixon line) WV

Morgue Worker Admits to Sex With Bodies of Young Women

Just in time for Halloween!

A man who worked at the county morgue for 16 years and is serving time for having sex with a corpse admitted today to having sex with two more bodies during his employment. Kenneth Douglas, 56, of Westwood pleaded guilty to two counts of gross abuse of a corpse before visiting Hamilton County Common Pleas Court Judge Richard Niehaus. He could be imprisoned for a maximum of three years at his Dec. 10 sentencing.

Douglas was employed for 16 years, from 1976-1992, as a night attendant at the morgue. He told authorities previously that while there, he invited women in and partied with them with drugs and alcohol. He also admitted to having sex with bodies being stored while awaiting autopsies.  He is currently serving a three-year sentence for having sex with another corpse -- that of Karen Range, an 18-year-old murder victim who was nearly beheaded in 1982 and had been in the morgue cooler for hours.

SOURCE: Ohio morgue worker admits to sex with bodies | Detroit Free Press | Freep.com

Woman Arrested for Broadcasting Porn to Kids at Elementary School

What you do in the privacy of your own home is your business. Unless, of course, you live next to an elementary school and decide to have some porn blaring on your big screen TV in the open front window. Biting and kicking a cop will also probably not help your case . . . but it will make for an interesting show for the neighbors!

A Grand Forks woman is accused of broadcasting pornography from the window of her home Friday morning, allowing the images and noises to be seen and heard from Lake Agassiz Elementary School. When police Cpl. Dylan Schauer arrived at Nicole Altendorf’s house on the 800 block of Stanford Road, he found a still shot of a pornography video displayed on a television.

“We made contact with the suspect, who was not compliant in any way,” a police report states. “She refused to come out and physically resisted. She was finally extracted by force from her entryway.”

The report says Altendorf bit Schauer’s arm and kicked him several times in the groin as he tried to put her in a squad car. Once in the car, she spit in Schauer’s face, the report states.

Employees at Lake Agassiz School, 605 Stanford Road, originally reported the loud, conspicuous pornography out of concern for students who were arriving in the morning. Employees told police “the windows were wide open on the residence, the door was open, and there was pornography playing on the TV which was in front of the window with the volume turned all the way up. The pornography was visible from the school, as well as the street,” according to the report.

SOURCE: GF woman accused of showing porn video from window, assaulting cop | Grand Forks Herald | Grand Forks, North Dakota

City Manager Resigns After Arrest in Prostitution Sting - Jim Mussenden

It's probably not a good idea to go looking for hookers if you job somehow oversees the guys in the police department.

El Monte officials said today that their city manager has resigned, one day after his arrest during a prostitution sting in Pomona.  In a 5 to 0 decision, the El Monte City Council appointed Rene Bobadilla, 38, as interim city manager to replace Jim Mussenden, 59, who had held the job since 2006. The closed session meeting today was called to evaluate Mussenden's performance after council members learned early Friday morning that he had been arrested.

SOURCE: El Monte city manager resigns in wake of prostitution sting, interim manager is named | L.A. NOW | Los Angeles Times

Woman Lies About Winning Lottery, Causes Riot at Store - Linda Brown

We are now hearing that the woman who did this, Linda Brown, may have a history of mental illness, but that didn't stop customers at a Burlington Coat Factory store in Columbus, Ohio from believing that she had won the lottery and was going to give every customer there a free shopping spree. Unfortunately, it wasn't until everyone had lined up with their purchases that it was revealed that Linda Brown really had noe money. Of course, people being people, they started rioting and looting the store.

A woman being driven around in a rented limousine pulled up at a coat store and announced she'd won the lottery and would pay for everyone's purchases, police said, but she ended up causing a riot when customers realized it was a hoax.  Angry customers threw merchandise around and looted, leaving the store looking as though a hurricane had passed through it, police said.

Linda Brown was arrested Tuesday after an hours-long shopping spree that began when she hired a stretch Hummer limousine to drop her off at a Burlington Coat Factory store, police Sgt. Lt. Michael Deakins said. Brown walked to a cash register and loudly announced she had won the lottery and would pay for each person's merchandise up to $500, he said.

"Well, of course, people like to hear that," Deakins said. "Apparently they were in line calling relatives who were not at the store and told them to come."  People flooded the registers as cashiers began ringing up purchase after purchase, but Brown had not yet paid the bill, Deakins said. At least 500 people filled the aisles and another 1,000 were outside trying to get in, he said.

"She was telling people she won $1.5 million," Deakins said. "But it ends up she didn't win anything. She had no money to pay for anything." About an hour later, Brown had the limousine driver take her to a bank to withdraw money, but she returned empty-handed, police Detective Steven Nace said. By then, store employees had called in two dozen police officers to handle the crowds.

My Way News - Lottery hoax causes riot at Ohio coat store

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Teen Arrested for Assault With a Burrito

No, we're not making this up! The incident happened between two moving vehicles and the victim's car suffered a cracked windshield as a result of its contact with the popular Mexican food. No other significant injuries occurred, although for some reason, the Geico Gecko is now talking with a strange Spanish accent.

A South Carolina teenager is facing a felony charge for throwing a "deadly missile" at a moving vehicle. The armament in question was a burrito. According to the below Hernando County Sheriff's Office report, the 15-year-old suspect, a passenger in a Dodge, allegedly threw the burrito Saturday afternoon at John Addie's Honda as the cars traveled alongside each other on a Florida street. Cops discovered burrito remnants inside and outside the vehicle, as well as on Addie, who was not injured when struck by the flying foodstuff (somehow, Addie's Honda suffered a chipped windshield during the incident).

Armed With A Deadly Burrito - October 14, 2009

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Schwarzenegger Promises "Swift Action" Regarding Maria Shriver's Use of Cell Phone While Driving

Yeah, right Arnold. You may be the Governor of California, but the Kennedy Clan owns the United States. You try to say one thing to old bone face Shriver and you'll wake up to a horse's head in your bed. Don't you know, laws like that aren't for the rich and powerful? Now, shut up and get back to work ruining your state. You only have a limited amount of time left on your term and lots of things you can screw up before you go.

Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger is calling out his wife, Maria Shriver, for apparently violating a state law he signed — holding her cell phone while driving. The celebrity Web site TMZ.com posted two photographs Tuesday showing Shriver holding a phone to her ear while she's behind the wheel. It says one was snapped Sunday and the other in July. The Web site claimed that this was not the first time California's first lady was caught chatting on her cell while driving.

On his Twitter feed Tuesday, Schwarzenegger wrote to TMZ.com founder Harvey Levin: "Thanks for bringing her violations to my attention. There's going to be swift action."

Maria Shriver Busted Breaking Husband Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger's Cell Phone Ban On Drivers - wcbstv.com

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Principal Fired for Showing Student Sex Tape, Boozing

Not sure what training future school principals get in college, but our guess is that they don't have a class called "Student Sex Tapes 101."  Exactly what IS the procedure for reviewing a security tape where a couple of your students are going at it?  Whatever they might be, Dave Wilson, former principal of Louisville Male High School, apparently didn't follow them and has now lost his job. Oh, and there was some alleged drinking in there as well, but we think the snide comments during the viewing of the sex video probably were enough to do him in.

The first substantiated allegation involves a surveillance tape from the school’s cafeteria that shows two students having sex Sept. 2. Two letters, written by staff members at Male, said they were called to Wilson’s office to watch the surveillance video Sept. 3.

One of the staff members said upon entering Wilson’s office, “the lights were turned off, the ceiling mounted video projector was turned on and the large white screen was pulled down.” While the video was shown, Wilson made some inappropriate comments, according to the staff member, whose name was redacted from the district files turned over to The Courier-Journal.

The staff member wrote that “no action was taken by Wilson to notify the students’ parents or to take statements. Mr. Wilson can be seen on video running the students out of the building. The students were merely sent on their way to an unknown location not seen on video.”

The second staff member, whose name also was redacted, wrote of being “extremely offended by the entire situation” and leaving Wilson’s office as soon as the video ended. The staff member said Keith Kiper with the JCPS security and investigations unit was contacted about the tape and advised it needed to be “erased immediately because of the pornographic nature.”

The second allegation that was substantiated involves an incident where Wilson attended a school function with alcohol on his breath. Roberts said she wasn’t sure when that function was or its nature.

Ky. principal shows sex tape; retires | Cincinnati.com | The Cincinnati Enquirer

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Female Teacher Sex Scandal in Texas: Deanna Higgins, Spring High School

It's happened again . . . and twice at the same high school! The beleaguered principal at Spring High School in Texas had to send home a letter home to parents not only informing them about the alleged affair of science teacher Deanna Higgins, but that the rumors were true that another teacher was ALREADY on paid leave pending an investigation into similar allegations. We'd suggest having the water at the school checked, because something is amiss there.

Ms. Higgins also shoots the top of our list of hottest teachers to stray this school year, as evidenced by the picture at right.

Deanna Higgins, a teacher at Spring High School, has been charged with improper relations between an educator and student and sexual assault of a child. In a letter to parents posted on the Spring ISD Web site, administrators say the DA accepted charges against Higgins on Monday.  Higgins, a science teacher, was placed on paid administrative leave in January 2009 after a third party brought the allegations to district officials.

Deanna Higgins (Pictures): Spring High School Teacher Charged for Sex with Student in Texas - Crimesider - CBS News (Thanks to reader Wayne V. for the link!)

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Woman Arrested for Facebook "Poke" - Shannon D. Jackson

Dad always said "Be careful who you poke!" and, even though this was years before there was a Facebook, his advice was good both then and now.

It's the digital equivalent of waving at someone from across a crowded room. And yet a Tennessee woman was arrested last month for "poking" another user on Facebook. According to an affidavit filed with the Sumner County General Sessions Court on Sept. 25, Shannon D. Jackson of Hendersonville, Tenn., allegedly violated a legal order of protection that had been previously filed against her when she sent a virtual "poke" to another woman on Facebook.

SOURCE: Facebook Case: Tennessee Woman Arrested for Facebook Poke - ABC News

Drunk 21-Year-Old Steals Ambulance for Ride Home

Oh look, a ride home! And it's already got the keys in it and these fancy flashing lights to help make it there  more quickly. Dumbass!

A 21-year-old man was arrested early Sunday morning after driving off in an ambulance that had been parked downtown.  Lawrence Police Sgt. Susan Hadl said that Lawrence-Douglas County Fire Medical crews had left the ambulance near the intersection of 10th and Massachusetts streets while they responded to a medical call at the Jazzhaus, 926 Mass.

While the crews were away from the vehicle, an intoxicated man got into the ambulance and began driving away, heading westbound on 10th Street. Hadl said the man believed he had no other means of transportation home.  The man led police on a brief low-speed chase. It began at 2:22 a.m. and ended just a few minutes later at the intersection of 10th and Tennessee streets. Numerous police cars surrounded the vehicle, and the man was taken into custody without incident.

21-year-old man arrested after stealing ambulance / LJWorld.com

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Sexy Lady Doctor Suzanne Gudakunst Reveals Her "Top Secret Fat Loss Secret"

I don't know who you typically get your medical advice from, but I doubt he or she looks as good as Suzanne Gudakunst. Is having a great face and hot body the best way to judge someone's diet plan? What, you'd rather take advice from that fat old guy you've been going to for years? If he knew the Top Secret Fat Loss Secret, he'd be using it himself, or on that chubby wife and kids of his. No, he doesn't have a clue why most people are fat and basically everything he and the main stream media has been telling you for years is just plain wrong and actually works AGAINST your ability to lose weight.

But don't take my word for it. Here's more about Dr Suzanne Gudakunst's breakthrough diet:

A lady doctor named Dr. Suzanne Gudakunst (hot doctor at right) has just released what many are calling the end of the need for potentially harmful weight-loss drugs and designer foods made to help you lose weight. Dr Suzanne's discovery allows anyone regardless of their particular diet to do "just one simple thing" and instantly start shedding anywhere from 15 lbs to as much as 200 lbs of unwanted and dangerous fat!

Typical results average 45 lbs in just the first 30 days alone for most people just starting out using her new secret.

The reason this is so is because her secret (aptly titled: "Top Secret Fat Loss Secret") operates on an entirely different approach in the battle against the ever-increasing "bulge." Dr Suzanne discovered that harmful crusty "plaque" builds up over the years in all of us - and which is the direct result of harmful chemicals, preservatives, pesticides, etc. deliberately placed in perhaps every food on the market (much of which is now suspected as being carefully and intentionally done so that people will continue to get fatter and thus sicker, and in order to make the food & drug companies richer!)

To learn the Top Secret Fat Loss Secret or to get Dr. Suzanne free fat loss newsletter, click here.